How To Move From Casual Intimacy Into A Relationship – Dating To Relating For Men – 8/2/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I already have a casual intimate relationship with a woman, I met about two months ago. It is not serious. We get together about once a week. Problem is I am beginning to have some feelings for her and think I might really like her. Can I develop a real relationship with her? Or is it too late? How would I go about doing this?
Answer: Well, this is unusual. Most of the time, guys are trying to figure out how to develop a relationship with a girl they haven’t been intimate with. Yes, it is possible but it does present some unique challenges.
First of all you need to find out where this woman stands. If you guys are having a casual intimate relationship, you need to know if that is something she wants to maintain or if she, like you, is starting to feel different about things.
Now if you go about this the wrong way, you can scare her off. So be careful. A lot of times people who are coming out of a divorce or a break up want an intimate relationship but they don’t want commitment or feeling like they are getting close to someone. They are trying to protect themselves from being hurt by not getting close.
Of course this will heal in time, but the time factor can take one, two or even three years for some people. If you really like someone and feel they are worth the wait, you can seal the deal by not putting any pressure on them during this time, maintaining the casual relationship and just being there for them when they are ready for something else.
Most of the time, these type of things don’t work out because one person is too impatient to wait and puts pressure on the other person who is not ready, so they end up in a spat and a break up.
Now, from your question we know nothing about this woman. She could be a career “no commitment” type or recently divorced or one or two years down the road after a break up.
So you need to ask a lot of questions in a neutral sort of way, so that you do not play your hand in case she is not ready for your feelings. The best way to maintain neutrality is to not originate questions out of the blue, but to play off of her originations.
For example, if she mentions her ex and berates him, you could say, “Sounds like you guys didn’t have a very good relationship.” If she says, “Yeah,” you could come back with something like, “So does that mean you hate all men, or do you think he was just a bully?”
If she says, “No, I don’t hate all men, blah, blah, blah,” then she might be more ready for a relationship then if she says “Yeah.”
The conversations you will have with her will be very situational so I can’t tell you what to exactly say and ask in this short column, but perhaps you get the idea. What you don’t want to ask are questions about you and your relationship with her. That is not neutral and could get you in trouble if she is not ready for anything serious.
So don’t say things like, “How do you feel about our relationship?” or “I am starting to have feelings for you,” etc. until you know if she is ready and can handle this type of topic. If she is not, you just need to keep informed of her general feelings about men and relationships until she is ready to get serious with someone again.
Mr. L. Rx
read moreGuy Gets Girl’s Phone Number In Five Minutes – Dating To Relating For Men – 8/9/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I saw a video in which a guy got a girl’s phone number in five minutes. But it is one of the guys you say are “ten percenters”. What do you mean by that?
Answer: Without naming names, a lot of the men’s dating gurus just give you strategies that will work “ten percent” of the time. (And when I say “ten percent” I don’t mean that literally. It could be twenty percent or one percent or thirty percent. What I mean is they don’t get the eighty to ninety percent results that we do.)
I saw a video the other day myself. In it a guy approached a woman, told her how he found her very attractive and asked for her phone number so they could talk some more. He was polite, friendly and he got it.
Now, the problem with this video is you don’t know how many girls he had to approach to find one that this would work on and you don’t know what happened afterwards.
There was even a major dating guru site that just came out with a book on how to approach women in the daytime, on the street, etc. I bought it and read it. It is the same thing as the video – memorized lines and strategies that won’t yield any better results than ten percent.
I have friends who do this kind of stuff all the time for years. They are very skilled at being friendly and all and getting phone numbers. You would think they were successful, but the bottom line is, it is a numbers game for them. They approach ten women, say the same things and get one phone number.
What you don’t see is that afterwards they only get perhaps just a third of the girls who will return their calls. And after that, only another one out of ten will go out with them. Then when they manage to get a date, only one out of ten will go on a second date with them.
Now, as poor a system as this is, for a lonely guy who has nothing going on this is a godsend. If you just keep at it, the numbers are eventually in your favor and you will get dates and perhaps even a girlfriend sooner or later.
At Dating To Relating, we don’t use number games. We teach guys how to communicate and how to recognize differences in personalities. We teach guys how to be situational. We teach guys how to be successful being themselves, not robots.
Guys trained by us do not have to use memorized lines. They can think on their feet and come up with situationally appropriate conversation.
Guys that we train can approach ten women and get eight phone numbers. They can expect eight out of ten of those women to respond to their phone call when they make it. And they can expect eight out of ten of those women to go on dates with them and they can expect eight out of ten of those first dates to go on a second, third, fourth date with them.
Anybody can come up with some smooth memorized talk to get a phone number or date, but turning those situations into relationships takes a little more than memorized lines. That is what we teach you and that is why we call it DATING to RELATING.
Mr. L. Rx
read moreDating To Relating For Men – Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx , what are the mistakes the guys typically make to screw up a healthy relationship?
Answer: Well here are five of the most common basic mistakes.
1) Cheating.
2) Stopping creating the romance that they created to win the girl in the first place.
3) Not continually creating a common opponent to fight as teammates.
4) Not continuing to monitor the goals and purposes of the team and make sure that they are still in unison.
5) Not making sure she continues to do all of the above too.
Now to create a relationship with a willing partner who wants the same thing as you do, all you have to do is continue to create romance, continue to be teammates against a common opponent (and not turn on each other for lack of a “real opponent”), continue to stay in communication with each other as you grow and change (to create staying “on the same page”), continue to be teammates and not become the enemy (by cheating or some such thing) and finally make sure your partner continues to do all of these things too.
1) Cheating – When you cheat, you become the enemy. You are no longer working as team mates for the same thing. You have a hidden agenda and you are not working for the best interest of the team.
2) A lot of guys make the mistake of stopping to romance the girl. When they consider her a teammate they feel they no longer have to “win her over” or romance her. They feel they have “got” her. This is a big mistake.
All those things you did to impress her and get her, worked. These were the things that created “attraction” towards you. Now that you have secured this agreement for her to be your girlfriend or wife and enter into this new game of “teammates” it doesn’t mean that the old game is over. And if you don’t continue to do the things which cause attraction, you will lose her.
3) Now once you move from the stage of a relationship where you are trying to win the girl over, you enter a stage where you are teammates mostly (but remember still keep doing those things to cause the girl to be continually attracted to you)
In the “teammate ” stage you are in agreement. You are a couple and you are approaching the world together as a team. Now, depending on your type of relationship agreement, that can be anything from just creating mutual pleasure together (like sex, or hanging out) to combining your finances and taking on the world financially to improve your mutual lot, to deciding to take on “having kids” and raising them to the standards that you both agree on.
Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart.
4) Now to continually monitor these goals you set as a team, this means communication. You have to talk to your partner and continually monitor where they are at with respect to your mutual and their and your personal goals. People change and grow. You can’t assume the girl you married 3 years ago is the same girl today. You can’t assume the things that she considered important and wanted to work on with you 3 years ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago are still the goals she has today.
Communicate! Talk! Listen! You have to continually find out where you are at. If you keep communication in then you wont’ have any surprise. If you assume she is the same (when she isn’t) then you will be surprised one day when you exclaim “I don’t know who you are anymore” as she walks out the door or cheats on you.
5) Finally, you have to get your girl to do all of these things too. One person creating a relationship is better than none, but two people creating a relationship is a cinch for success.
Mr. L. Rx
Posted in Columns, Dating To Relating.Tagged with Columns, Dating & Relationship Advice.
By adminMarch 27, 2010
read moreGradient steps to your approach
Dating To Relating For Men – Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, you talk about using “gradients” a lot in your writings. Can you give me an example of how to use gradients to approach a woman?
Answer: Yes, here is an example:
I use to feel uncomfortable approaching women. I felt like walking up to an attractive woman and saying “Wow, are you hot or what?” or “Will you marry me?” or “I’m in love.” Or “Hey, I just saw you over there and I’m really attracted to you.”
Now before I really looked at it I thought the sequence of approach was something like this:
1) First step – You have to approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose.
2) Second step – You have to tell her you are attracted to her or you won’t be able to create the chance of seeing her again.
Problem is I either couldn’t bring myself to do it, too shy, too insecure about my self, or I got drunk and did it and got shot down 90% of the time. So after a while, I would just let the opportunity pass.
One day I finally sat down and applied gradients to the situation. I figured out that the real problem was I was uncomfortable with telling a hot girl exactly how much I liked her because I didn’t want to face the rejection (especially in front of other people) if she responded negatively. Then I figured out a way that I didn’t have to say these higher gradient things (such as “I love you” or “you are so hot”) on the approach.
So let’s look at the sequence of events in this situation which added some gradient steps between 1 and 2 above.
1) First step – You have to approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose.
2) Second step – You have to say something to her or someway attempt to engage her in a conversation as she probably won’t do it herself.
3) Third step – Say something neutral that will not embarrass you or be obvious to people around that you are hitting on her.
4) Watch her response – does she try to keep the conversation going?
5) If she doesn’t, let her go – no harm no foul – nothing to be embarrassed about after all you just asked her for the time. But if she keeps the conversation going and appears to be interested in doing so go to next step.
6) Keep the conversation going myself. At some point, add a slight “flirt” and see how she responds – something like “Wow, you have really pretty eyes.”
7) If the slight flirt doesn’t push her away, take it to the next level. Tell her she is an interesting person and you would like to talk to her some more but you have to go. Get her phone number and/or email.
8) You have achieved step 2 (letting her know you are attracted to her)in the first example above because women are used to subtle communications, and she now knows you are interested in her and thinks you are really cool because you did it in normal way (not the usual guy way – “Wow, you are so beautiful!”)
With this one observation I worked out a gradient strategy that forever handled my uncomfortable feelings and shyness. My shyness was really about me not wanting to look stupid by getting shot down by some girl in front of other people. When I used a gradient approach it eliminated what I was really afraid of – looking stupid by putting my heart on my sleeve and having some girl stomp all over it.
So my best pick up line became and still is today, guys, “Hi!”
Mr. L. Rx
Posted in Columns, Dating To Relating.Tagged with Columns, Dating & Relationship Advice.
By adminMarch 20, 2010
read moreEIGHT REASONS YOU SHOULD DROP YOUR BOYFRIEND IMMEDIATELY
AssociatedNews.US
by Durk Dugan
Abuse Is One Reason
Mr. L. Rx and Mr. P. L. Ayer are successful pick up artists who give advice to men about picking up women.
But now these “gurus for men” have decided to start helping the “fairer” sex by giving advice to women about men. On their popular website, DatingToRelating.com, women can learn what men do to trick women, and how to bust a player who is lying and cheating on them.
Besides information on how men lie and cheat, Mr. L. Rx tells women what to watch out for and avoid in their selection of men. Here are Mr. L. Rx’s eight “No Brainers” for women from his website:
1) If a man ever hits you or slaps you or even threatens you in a rough way – leave him immediately.
2) If a man tries to move into YOUR apartment because he doesn’t have a job or a place to stay – drop him immediately. Men are supposed to be the providers. Don’t ever support a man. It may seem cool for a while but in the long run you will regret it.
3) If a man plays with you like you are one of his buddies – drop him instantly. If he can’t make the distinction between men and women, he is a real idiot.
4) If a man doesn’t have any men friends or his men friends are a bunch of jerks – drop him immediately. There is a reason men (or good men) don’t like him.
5) If a guy is jealous or possessive for no reason – drop him now! When people are jealous or paranoid for no reason at all, they are projecting their own moral code on you. They are saying, “If I were in that situation I would be cheating on her, so I know she is cheating on me.” Want to know if I guy would ever cheat on you? This is your biggest clue.
6) If a guy wants a committed relationship after one date – run for the hills!!! This guy is nuts! And even if he is not acting like it now, you’ll find out the hard way sooner or later if you continue with him.
7) If a guy walks up to you on the street and tells you how hot you are – well just mosey on away… then run for the hills!
8) And of course, if he is married or in a relationship, drop him the minute you find out. This is the biggest “no brainer” of all. If he cheats on her, he will cheat on you. Don’t buy into his sad story of how bad she treats him and what a great guy he is. He is a liar and a cheat. Don’t find out the hard way. Just drop him.
For more information on men, women, and relationships visit DatingToRelating.com.
